He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
