You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
