Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
