So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
