Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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