EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's always time for handjobs
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
