and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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