The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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