the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
