i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
