her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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