I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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