I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
