it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
