I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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