Apparently you make a good broom.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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