In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
