You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
