Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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