I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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