This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
