like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How naked do you want me to be?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
