right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
