Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
