nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
