you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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