I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
