Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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