then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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