I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
