i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
