I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
