You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
