I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
