There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
