he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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