It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
