making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
