Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You took a bar mat shot.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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