I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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