I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
