phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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