i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
