Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
