so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
