umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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