I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
