Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
