I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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