Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she looked like the before picture.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
