omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
