im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
