Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
