The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
