Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
